Monday, November 29, 2004
is just 3 steps 2 make guy desires 4 you. guys r stoopidd. gals r more stoopid. 2 blive dat e guys really want her. i nvr trust any1. say u love me. i love you too. dey r jus words. w/o meanin. with nuth bout alphabets.u wanna play. im up 2 any gamee. come on.
dat was miee. n u might wanna say goodbye to dat me. bud it would help if im able 2 say goodbye 2 him. bud no matter wad i do. wad i did. i stil cant let go. n even when i pretend dat life goes on. u noe i did not.
cos sumtyms. jus sumtyms. u wun realise dat ur in love. n even when u realise it. u rfuse 2 admitt.bud when u admit. u rfuse 2 do anything bout it. scared of rejections. afraid of e pain. e colds. the absence of him.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
im back from campp. damnit. im startin 2 miss camp. im startin 2 miss my top bunk bed. im startin 2 miss kaiping holdin ma hand. im startin 2 miss slpin wid ma slpin bag. n everythng. ok. mayb not all. duhh. dere r bad tyms.
e hugest impact dis camp had on mie was devotion. gods presence was evrywhere. tears dat roll down w/o control. life given up to god n evrything. e msg epastor brought got me thinkin in2 so many things in ma life. if i cant help myself find mie. how can i help others help themselves find god. now dat im gt e oppunity. y am i stil owaes letting go. n livin e life i want 2 live instead of e life god wans me 2 live? i didn tik e least effort to resist temptations. i keep hatreds towards ppl n make dem fell so nt welcomed. n im not slow 2 anger. im angry when i feel lyk it. so many hearts broken bcos of my words. nvr did i realise i had been so self centered. i could devote my tym dreamin bout things dat arnt related in ma life. dat aint gonna happen. instead of things dat could actually bless others. i had been so blessed;. wid ma friends. ma family. had i been tikin in too much blessings? isnt it tym 2 bless others? isnt dat part of e cycle god wants? den y am still livin in others shadow.. n not daring 2 leave my comfort zone 2 do e things i know i should do. y am i still here....... thinkin of things dat doesnt matters at all. lyk him.
went towwn last nite. i guess we actaully make a fool of ourselves at town. hahaz. bud who caresss? duhh. we have funn. goin town 2 sell things. i volunteer 4 all 3 nites. hahaaz! mus go dere support mie. ok.
sembawang park is nice too. though e beach is so polluted. yucks sia. bud we manage 2 build a sand castle. dat looks more lyk a mountain. e gamees r okk. bud not really fun.
love ma dorm. ppl who come in always y our room so cold. den we lied dat deres aircon under e bed. den yl so cutee. she go n really bend down n c under e bed. hahaz.
i am really gettin fat. thks 2 regina n huiqin . regina mus eat moree! ate 4 bananas on sat. hahaz.
love zhengyi n kaiping. hahaz. ma closest group members! n regina too. ((= n clarissa, jessica, jascinta, - dilys. u noe. 1 thing im glad y camp is ova is dat i no longer have 2 c her damn face! walao. u noe. i hate hearin her voice too. esp. when im tryin 2 slp. n she luff at herself 1 lor. no sense of humour at all. shes lameee! dats y i rfuse 2 participate in activities. shes so hopeless! kaoss. she gt no leadership qualities at all. camp will b puuuurrrffeeeccct if not 4 her. now i understan y ppl ask mie 2 'bao zhong' when i told dem im in de same group wid her.
duhhhs. she ruin ma camp sia. is suppose 2 b such a relax camp. bud she make it such a stress one!
sickkk. hahaz. kai ping. ma new boyfriend. ((= hold ma hands walkin round town! lolx. n slpin on da bedd together ((= dere was once when mie zy n kp was on de bed together. zy was huggin kp n kp was huggin mie. i omost fall. cos we were on da top bunkk. hehex. dne bathe wid yy n zy twice. dis is ma 1st tym ok. when dey want 2 bathe finish liao den i jus strip. mus 4give me. (= den i keep screamin. cos i feel lyk it. bud i lyk e xperience! hehex. do it some other tym okk. ((= love u guys.
annual camp 2004 gers brigade 2004.
im gonna bless others lyk others n god had blessed mie.
im gonna b different.
im gonna make a difference.
im wanna let e whold world noe.
dat ur living in me.
i wanna dem 2 noe im a dotter of god.
victorious n freee.
im gonna be a candle wid a flame.
a salt of e earth.
im gonna lay down evrything.
bud all i possess is dis life im living.
n makin use of dis life i noe.
even when i fall.
u will b dere 2 pick mie up.
oyu n no one elsee.
is - you aloneeee.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
stop messin wid ma lifee!!!
u can pretend i don exist. u can jus glance away.
i don caree. anymore. i tred. i cant say goodbyeees. mayb tym can heal. why do i keep deleatin you. n addin you back. n deleatin you again. n addin you back. cos im a fool-
i wont shed a tear-
F**D!!! R U READIN DIS? if u wanna find gers DON LOOK 4 MIEE. im nt dat free 2 entertain you.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
nvr had a dream come true
Everybody's got something they had to
leave behind-One
regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time-There's
no use looking back or wondering-
How it could be now or might have been-Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know-
I've never had a dream come true-Till the day that I found you-Even though I pretend that I've moved on-You'll always be my baby-I never found the words to say-You're the one I think about each day-And I know no matter where life takes me to-A part of me will always be with you-
Somewhere in my memory-I've lost all sense of time-and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind-There's no use looking back or wondering-How it could be now or might have been-Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go-
You'll always be the dream that fills my head-Yes you will, say you will, you know you will-Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget-There's no use looking back or wondering-Because love is a strange and funny thing-No matter how I try and try I just
can't say goodbye
dis song don happens 2 mie. i will 4get you. i will let go. y send mie this songg. when i was about 2 let go..... i wont rgret dis decesion i make.
i hate you!!!!!!!!!! ok . i shudn had sent u dat mail. guess u found a new ger oready? anyway. y shud i giv a damn? u aint nuthing rite? i only lyk.. ur voice rite!!? ur such an
ass!!!!! arug. tell mie de things u told mie were
fake. pls? YD! U AINT NO THING BUD A CHICKEN WING ON A STRING! aruggg!!!!!!! im a fool.
2 love you. a fool.
to blive you. a fool.
to miss you. a fool.
to think of you. a fool.
to know you. a fool.
to still b loving you. aint dat fool no more. fcuk. i hate you. reeaaallllly reeaaaaaalllly hate YOU>.<> i will let go*
i will
spend ma tym playin bejeweled wid diff ppl wid my left hand. hahaz.
eddy's songg-
I guess now it's time for me to give up
I feel it's time
Got a picture of you beside me
Got you're lipstick mark still on your coffee cup
Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood
Unaware but underlined I figured out this story
It wasn't good
But in the corner of my mind I celebrated glory
But that was not to be
In the twist of separation you excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside
is cute. dono if he noe ma blogg. hahaz. if he noe. hes gonna.... . i dono wad he will do 2 mie. Xp
ydae. the 4th tym u kol. e 4th tym u did it 2 me. why did i pick up e fonee?? shud have plug away e wire n tell you ma fones screwed or wadsoeva. bud i picked it up.
cos i miss ur voice. found a new love -
ur laughter. i rgret sendin dat email 2 you. i dono why. i jus rgret.
sheesh. ur bz wid ur thing now. n i don feel lyk tokin at all. don feel lyk rplyin any1 on msn.
at all. im so sorri. ma friens. iszit moodswings? ummms. i don think soo. jus crazy in lovee. n so doubtin him - n his evrything. and no. im not tokin bout any1 dat is readin dis now. cos he dono bout ma blog - at all. so don ask if its you. is not. i wanna hear his voice again. infact. i wanna hear it 4eva.
i cant. iwanthimm.
sori - alvin. did nt kol u las nite lyk i promised. jus don feel lyk tokinn.
sheesh. sorri.
hab been biting my nails. will matthew scold mie. sheesh. i will miss his naggin nxt yer.
alot. n his green tissues. Xp
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
i can jus die missin him. nbr tot of any other thing e whole day. its only himm. n his voice. n e things he saide 2 mie. so crazy in love wid dat voice. dat i nvr wanna hang up. i wanna tok 2 u 4evaa. bud u hang up after doin it. make mi look so much lyk a fool. u had been doin dat 4 three days! do i look lyk dat sextoy 2 youu? no. i don. u say i turn you on. when did eva did dat? cos i don rmb sayin anything dat actually turn you on? u say you love mie. u aint doin anything 2 prove dat statement though. or wad? does e words 'ilu' turns you on too? baby- ur makin a fool outta mi. telling mie things that doesnt seems true enuff 4 mie 2 blive. bud u had got mie so crzy in love. told again n agian by best pals not 2 b dat sextoy. dat guys make use of. cos ppl dat told mie dat make gals their sextoys too. yes im aware. aware of e harm he would do 2 mie. aware of the heartbreaks dat would end up in tears again. evrything dat will end up wid mie lookin lyk dat fool. again. history is in de making. n i chose not 2 turn away. dangerously in lovee. -think dat i might back down bud i wontt.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
hes gone!hes gone!!!!!!!!!!!
arugg.
i was e one who made him leave.
dis is so sttoopidd.
cos i don even noe wad im doin.
wad i did.
wad i said.
all kind of shit.
toHIM
i got e endin i wanted rite?
why is these regrets?
cos i didnt xpect it 2 b so badd.
cos im missin him.
cos i cant help thinkin bout him.
sori if i sound confused.
drill competition is finally ova
got COP
heeeeex.
lovesquadoneee!
should i 4give mrchin.
made mie n emi looked fools.
and. he thinks is a joke.
dats e worst thing he did 2 mie yet.
bringing mie n emi home.
when can my buds finally gt ty 2 go out wid mie.
so pissed wid karren.
wad de fark.
i was lyk shoutin WAD? when i read it.
sheesh.
dis is stoopid.
y should i care.
in not my buis.
hehex. Xp
hys philosophy,
think dat you know mie now but u don.
think that i might back down bud i wont.
think dat i hav doubts bud i don.
think dat i can always stand on my own.
ihatecopycats.lykher.
Friday, November 12, 2004
got e happy mie back
n a passion 4 cycling too?
kinda sick of him
cos of his 'u see i cant b bothered'
mayb is an act
how would i noe?
yes. bud u can
get lost now.
cos im sick of you?
not really..
i still
wants you
deep inside mie
haha
bud when ur gerfriens tik over crushes
who cares?
wonder how emi is doin in camp?
dono when she will b back
guess she mention it b4
bud forgotton.. lolz ((=
wadeva
sicckkkkk.
of scoldin baskets.
yeaa
sick
of bein alone
o yes!
reminded mie
WHERE E HELL DID KAREN N REENA GO?
wa kaos
fuckin sia
blive mie
i got friens who can pangsei mie
nei. see 4 urselves
dey r superb
can u guys teach mie ur disappearin skills?
is pro
n i tot we say we spent our holis together?
b l a !
forget it*
not worth it!
my week _
jus made a holie timeplann
..so packed
not enuff packed
still packedd
sheeshh
haben squuezzze in e
cyclings
the movies
the beaches
the meetins wid friens
mus plan properly
cannot dua pple again
lyk ydae!
sorry weilun!
paiseis larr
go east coast find u
den u go bugis find mie -.-
bud u canot read dis anyway
duhh
apologise here 4 wad?
dooots
suddenly so not in2 shoppin
into outdoor activities!
shop evrywhere oso c same thing
so got s i c k k k
a s s s s i c k k
heeeez*
only into adidas n levis now
so all i wan see is these 2 shopss
lolz..
n mayb some guys lookin
rmb on tues wid emi!
dat white shirt guy?
*p e n g !
hes kinda cute thoughh
fromm afar..
n mie n emi owaes attracted by e same kinds
so is alrite
cos we owaes caught each other lookin @ e same target
lolx. stooopid. us
most of my holies had been spent wid emi
wanna make sure i wun b home oncee
lolx!
moday got drill
drill is gettin kinda borin
bud all i hab 2 do is 2 attend dem
n do drill
so who cares?
tues got bible stardee
is da mornin @ 8
learnt how 2 respond 2 temptations!
quiet time is a great help
yeaaaa ((=
realise
not all pple who go church
is a 'christian'
like her
n did i said she was e one who brought mie 2 god?
no way
dots
after dat went juntion8 wid emi
mission 2 go sumwhere we nbr go b4
cos we're sick of
city hall! -.- sick place
bugis..
townn
walked arnd at j8
kinda borinn
cos so early
kinda check out e other skools too
shhesh*
den went kovan.. heartland mall
got my nail done ((=
den sit e train here n deren slp inside
go about 3 ends
den wed went 2 farrer park!
we cooked laksa! wid cousins!
bois sark at cookin. yess.
den threw it away
glad 2 say
is awful
bud my dad ate all!
bcos of e 1 egg -.-
man - can b really stoobid ya?
den watch some vcds
one good thing bout bein on e 29th storey
is dat u can c da starrs!
watch it till i slpp
woke up sumwhere in btw my slp
bud couldnt find it
oh well?
thurs go east coast!
s usual..
im latee
lolz
mie n emi n jinghong n chinky
went 2 hab bs at mac
gers r btr at findin seats den guys!
cos when we sat down..
dey were still lookin lyk.. retards? lookin arnd
sheeesh!
learnt bout controllin yer anger durin bs((=
den went 2 cycle!
learnt 2 cycle!
thks 2 evry1 who tot mie!
esp. chinky!
lolx..
bud don show pple wad u taped down.. ((=
is really v embarrassin!
den went 2 cyclee frm arnd e mac 2 e food court n back
n u m b
keep knockin in2 ppl!
n goin in2 e drain
n nbr stops at zebra crossin!
even if dat kid wanna cross -.-
cos i dono how 2 start again!
wahahaz
den went bowlin
jinghong actually win chinky by 1mark -.-
den e alley thing kinda siao siao 1
lolz. dat help mie 2 score ((=
den went bck farrer parkk..
missed my sg idol?
who got dat taped down?
len mieee
fri go skool 4 drill
n o d r i l l
killmie
peng
sttooobit
wasted 6bucks
for taxi
f u c k!!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
i dono y
bud im cryin
i dono y
bud im dyin
i dono y
bud im shivering
is dat concern dat ur showin mie?
no. is not.
stop tryin 2 figure mie out
stop tryin 2 breathe mie
u wun b able to blow mie out
don try 2 feel mie
cos im so outta touch
numb
wun get anything out of mie
cos i dono wads happenin either
i wonder
wads lyk 2 cut yer own wrist
will e pain tik over e numbenesS?
had i not been i a good frien
had i not been dere
had i not been a good daughter?
hadnt ive been home early?
n do wad im suppose 2 do?
den y r u guys still tikin mie 4 granteD?
i don need yer symapthy
a p p r e c i a t e m i e *
Monday, November 08, 2004
i dono y
i jus don feel lyk tokin 2 ya
so i hang up
wid dat stoobit xcuse i gave
mayb cos i sick n tire of
you n her
her n you?
maybb
2mrl got bs
actually..
i look forward 2 it
n lyk chinky told mi ydae bout attendin church
go not bcos of 'goin' n 'attendin'
bud bcos of god
cos u wanna noe him
n let god do e transformin
i took a long tym 2 actually soak dat in
bud i did
bs is not dat thing u gotta
stay back after skool
or wake up early for
is more den dat
bud some seems lyk dey r 'forced' 2 go
why?
don understan
bud i wan 2 grow
wid each bs ((=
cos dats.
so far e only place i get
2 get close wid him
chinky says]-
I mean that if you try on your own,
u will not be able to achieve them.......
coz we r all sinful by nature.......
It is not to go becoz you are forced to go,
but becoz u WANT to go......
And that can only come true when Christ enters your life.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
haiz. wad can i say.
things r back 2 normal.
maybe btr.
mayb worse.
bud i noe he still loves her
den y r u dening?
i noe u r slowly tryin 2 bring out e topic bout her
bud.
wad can i sae?
i cant gossip.
n i don 1 u 2 fall deeper in love wid her either
selfish.. mie
mayb dats y im all quiet when u tok bout her..
bud @ least ive sought out
dat ur jus treatin mie s a frien..
n i realise im jus thinkin too much
gullible maybe
geeeeee. at least now im 'awake'
n i don feel anything 2wards u anymore oO
ydae slp @ 6am.
omg
tok on fone so long
fone bill sure high again le.. sheesh
tok 2 a until 3.
den remind him 2mrl need go skool
den he go slp liao
both tok until 4get -.-
den after dat kol wl hp
waa. so long no tok 2 him le
n these ppl kinda change ler
can say not s innocent as i tot
lol...
den kana suan until v cham
cos i told dem i will kol dem in 1 hr @ arnd 12+
den @ e end i kol @ 3+
nbr tik notice of tym -.-
den keep 'suanin' mie 1hr = 120mins
yea yea. thks
haix. u r hopeless!! greedyy*
mayb u think dat after dat break up u shudnt
b so serious in relationship
bud shes a ger too!
how can u kiss anuth ger bhind her back!
-.- omg. haix. up 2 you..........
not my prob.
ive told u wadeva i need 2..
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
cheated by e 1 i cheated on
in e same way darren had left
r all e guys e same??
so long le..
where u went 2 hide?
im sick of waittin meaninlessly
noein u will nvr appear
i feel so stooopid
y am i here waittin 4 u
when i noe u wun appear?
y am i sittin by my phone hopin u would call
when u never will?
did u miss mie lyk u did
when will u come back in2 my life?
will we go back 2 how we used 2 b?
when we will ever tok late in2 e nite again
nvr will runn out of topics
crappin away
lyk is our own private joke
where no1 will noe
wad shit we're tokin bout
i m i s s y o u . . . . .
i j u s t d o..
Monday, November 01, 2004
i lyk e songg
makes mie really wanna think bout
e happie tyms f2/4 had spent together
e memories w/o sounds dat had ran dru my mind
n chinky had played a big part in it
hes e 1 hu had bring out much joy
n most certainly
changed us 2 a btr person
he had been so patient wid us
had been so so kind
hardly sayin 'no' 2 our request
n i noe he loves us
s he often tell us dat
love is patient love is kind
n dats probaly e reason y he nvr scolds us
he makes e bes outta evry situation we're in
regardless how bad it is
lyk e methodist walk
he had made it enjoyable
by singin songs wid us through out
dat had definetly been really enjoyable
n all e movies dat i had went wid him
all r so fun
n he nvr fails 2 choose e best movies
on e las dae
he had said he had hope
we wil forgive others lyk he forgived us
b lenient 2 others lyk he had been 2 us
n dat had really been a motivation
s he had nvr nvr set a bad example 4 us 2 follow
n i thank god 4 him
n lyk in e postcard u gave mie
i hope i had blessed u lyk u had blessed mie
u r more den a teacher who teach eng
thanks 4 teachin mie moral values
n most of all
thanks 4 being dere
thanks you.......((=
so late le
do u still miss mie lyk i miss u oO
will we b in e same class lyk we once said?
will we b together lyk we once joked bout?
r u thinkin of mie
